10 Tips on How to Deal with Change

September 27, 2017

British statesman, Benjamin Disraeli, said, “Change is inevitable, change is constant.”

There are many other wise men and women who basically said the same, just worded differently. We all know that they are right. Change is always there. There’s nothing that can change that. How do we deal with it then? Do we really have to deal with it? The simple answer is, “YES.”

Follow these steps:

1. Acknowledge the change

No matter what the kind of change it is, you have to acknowledge its existence. You can’t keep on fooling yourself that it’s not happening when it is right in front of you. How can you deal with something you do not acknowledge. Be aware of the change. Be sensitive to it.

2. Recognize how you instinctively react to it

Knowing that it exists, you must also acknowledge how it makes you feel. Do not invalidate your feelings. You have every right to feel what you are feeling.

3. Manage your reactions

The second step will help you manage your reactions well. While all our feelings are valid and that we are entitled to have these feelings, not all our reactions are valid. We should control how we react to the change. Our reactions should not cause hurt to someone else. We must be responsible for our actions. What we feel does not validate the wrong things we do just because it is a reaction. Ask yourself if you would really want to react that way and what are the consequences of that reaction.

4. Accept the change

By this time, you should be ready to accept the change. You have acknowledged it, recognized and managed your reactions, and now it’s time to accept it fully. Acceptance may be very difficult, but, it has to be done. You can take your time but you must not take too long a time. Be reasonable and push yourself to accept so you can get on with it.

5. Think of how it impacts you and how it will further affect you

Think of how this change impacts you at present and how it will further affect your life in the future. No matter how big or small this change is, recognize the difference it made in your life. Rationalize. Think of the possible consequences of this change. Think of the possibilities.

6. Do not overthink

While you have to be forward thinking, do not let the thoughts consume you. You must learn when to stop and rest your mind. That is because too much thinking will get you nowhere. In fact, overthinking was proven to make you ill and depressed. You have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time to rationalize, but you also have to stop thinking too much and start doing.

7. Ask for advice

After you have given the change, its effect, and its possible consequences much thought, it’s good you ask others what they think about it as well. Sometimes, we can be short-sighted or we may be looking at things with prejudice. It’s good to know what others think so we can have a fresh perspective to it. We can then compare which makes more sense. Remember to seek the advice of those people you can trust and with proven credibility and impartiality.

8. Set a goal

Now it’s time to set your own goal. Synthesize everything you’ve gathered- from yourself and from others. Know which direction you want to go to in response to the change. What do you want to do now? What are your short-term and long-term goals in light of the change?

9. Make a plan

Make a step by step plan on how to reach your goal. Make it as detailed as possible. Of course, it has to be realistic.

10. Stick to the plan

Now that you have a plan, you have to commit to that plan. You have to focus on reaching your goal.

If you want to survive, deal with change. Change always happens and if we don’t know how to cope, we will have great difficulty in trying to live through life. So how?

The Coach

Setting Rules for a Happier Household

September 27, 2017

Familly

The family home is supposed to a haven, a place where members of the family can seek refuge and feel secure. However, it is common to have problems and conflicts at home. It is found out that imposing rules will actually result to a happier household. It is because when there are strict rules, the expectations are clear as well. If the expectations are clear, the responsibilities and boundaries are well established.

A collective process

In setting rules for a happier household, it must be a collective process. While parents may assume that they already know what their kids want, it’s great to involve them. In fact, that should be one of the rules! In decision-making, it’s best to involve everyone.

Set rules to keep the house clean

There should be house rules that ensure that your home is clean and orderly. The task of cleaning the house should not be the responsibility of one member. Each member should do his part. Some good rules would be to clean as you go. Members of the household should not burden anyone else with the mess they make.

Also, set a day where you can all help out to clean the house. Assign roles as well and be clear about those roles. For example, “cleaning the house” is too general. Make sure you allocate specific tasks to each person, such as vacuuming the floor, dusting the furniture, cleaning the windows or cleaning the pool.

However, you have to be careful with this. If you assign roles to members of the household, one may complain that his role is more difficult than the other. It’s a good idea to rotate roles. You can also assign a day for each member where they are in charge of certain tasks. Know their availability so they won’t have to make excuses. Always emphasize the need for cleanliness and make everyone understand that it is their home.

Conflicts may arise if you do not keep the house clean. Usually, siblings would fight over their things. It also drives everyone crazy if someone misplaces something important. This won’t happen in a clean and orderly home where everyone knows where to find everything because everything has its proper place.

Set rules to keep everyone safe

Set a curfew. Make everyone understand that their safety is very important and that going home late is a burden to members of the household who want to rest early. Naturally, a parent would worry and won’t be able to sleep until everyone is at home. Tell them that aside from their safety, it’s also a matter of common courtesy. It’s also very important that the children tell their parents their whereabouts. Make them understand that it can be dangerous outside.

There are also other rules that involve security, such as having visitors. Make sure that they don’t just indiscriminately bring anyone inside the house and that they don’t let strangers in. Have simple rules like locking the main door always, closing the gate at night, never open the back door unless it is an emergency, and other safety measures.

Manage finances and be transparent

All shared expenses should be known to everyone and the contributions must be clear. How much does a member share? Who is responsible for taking care of this bill? Money can be a common source of conflict that is why there should be rules. Pay bills on time. Teach your child to be responsible with money. If he or she needs to ask for money, make sure they know that they should ask ahead of time so you can prepare for it. Couples should have their finances sorted out between them as well.

Mandatory family time

It doesn’t have to be seven days a week. It could be at least 2 evenings a week. Each member of the family will have his own schedule, especially if the kids are all grown up. However, family time must not be compromised. No matter how busy, everyone should learn how to make time for the family. This will also afford busy members the rest they deprive themselves. Just being at home, preparing and eating food together, watching a movie together is enough. It doesn’t have to be grand.

Remembering birthdays and anniversaries, celebrating special days

Make every member of the family feel special. That’s what family is for.

Birthdays should never be forgotten. Anniversaries too. Whenever someone achieves something, no matter how big or small, it must also be celebrated! Even during failures, the family should be there to cheer you up and make you feel better. The family, after all, is our number one support system.

Life coaching can help you sort out many of these issues too.

The Coach

The Biggest Issues Couples Face and How to Solve Them

September 27, 2017

Relationships

You may have heard some people say that the right relationship should be easy. That is not true. Relationships require a lot of hard work. Even the most perfect matchups you could think of have problems. When two different persons come together to share their lives, they will have to adjust to each other. While these two may have a lot of similarities and even the same worldview, each of them has a unique set of experiences that shaped him or her. No two persons are alike, not even twins who grew up in the same household. Even siblings argue, even your parents who have been together all your life have disagreements from time to time, even you and your best friend fight.

Here are some of the most common issues that most couples face:

Issue: Incompatibility

Usually, when people decide to be in a committed relationship, that’s because they find themselves compatible with each other. If you and your partner are compatible, that means that you two are well-suited for each other. You may share a lot of similar interests, or your differences may complement each other, or both. You and your partner may be compatible in some aspects but not in the other areas of your life. You may work in the same industry or you may never understand the type of work your partner does. You may share the same

You and your partner may be compatible in some aspects but not in the other areas of your life. You may work in the same industry or you may never understand the type of work your partner does. You may share the same religion but have different political ideologies. You may be an escapist while your partner is confrontational. You may not like spicy foods but that is the only thing your SO wants to eat. The similarities and differences could be big or small. Sadly, not all couples have high compatibility.

Compatibility becomes a big issue when you let the differences drive you away from each other.

For example, your partner is into sports and you’re not. The TV is always on the sports channel. You wanted to watch something else but you can’t. He goes out every Friday to watch football with his friends at a sports bar. He likes the jersey his friend gave him more than the book you bought for him on his birthday. This creates resentment. You wonder, what if you liked sports too?

Solution: Be Open

If you are not into sports, why don’t you try to like it? You don’t have to really like it the way your partner does. You can start by trying to show interest. If your partner watches football and you know nothing about it, you can ask your partner to explain to you what’s happening. More often that not, he will be excited that you are showing openness to understand the things he likes. You might end up truly liking it. If not, then at least you learned a thing or two. Introduce to your partner the things you like as well!

Try to understand and accept your differences. Do not let it get in between you. Sometimes, you also just have to agree to disagree. You may also want to consider life coaching to help you through your issues.

Issue: Miscommunication

This is probably the most common reason why couples fight. It is also the leading cause of breakups. It is easy to understand why. Miscommunication leads to misunderstanding and we tend to leave when we can no longer understand why we are staying. Miscommunication could come in different forms. Being heard is very important in a relationship and when there is miscommunication, your partner may listen, but he or she may not hear what you’re actually trying to say. This breeds insecurity, resentment, and all other dangerous feelings that could create a rift between you and your partner.

Solution: Ask yourselves what are you really trying to say?

In the heat of an argument, we may say things we don’t actually mean. We are usually clouded with pride, anger, jealousy, and a whole lot of other emotions. Instead of saying simply what we really want to say, we may say it in a passive-aggressive manner that is totally uncalled for. This will most likely result in a negative reaction from your partner and the negativity will just go back and forth. The main cause of conflict will then be forgotten and you will just end up personally attacking each other. You just want to prove the other wrong. You may win the battle, but you may lose the war.

If you are overwhelmed with your emotions, try to calm down first. Think before you speak because whatever comes out of your mouth, your partner, who is not a mind reader, will take your words for what they are. Do not say hurtful things because once it’s heard, you cannot take it back.

If your partner tells you hurtful things, do not react to it right away. Understand the context and be the bigger person. Ask your partner again if he or she really meant what he or she said. Refuse to take in words spoken out of anger. Help your partner calm down and tell him or her to talk to you when he or she is ready. Do not allow yourself to be hurt unnecessarily. Give each other time to process what you actually feel and what you really want to say.

Issue: Unmet Expectations

If expectations are not met, naturally, there is frustration. We tend to expect a lot from our significant others. Sometimes, we unconsciously set the bar too high for them to reach, and once they fail to reach it, we either feel resentful or we act out and make them suffer for failing to do what we want them to do. When we are too focused on our expectations, we fail to appreciate our partners for what they really are. When an unmet expectation is coupled with miscommunication, that spells trouble.

Solution: Acceptance

Accept your partner for who he or she is and what he or she can offer in the relationship. Be grateful for whatever that is. If you seek perfection, you will never find it. This doesn’t mean you should abandon expectations. Of course, couples have to set some ground rules in their relationships. The key is to be realistic in setting expectations. For example, honesty is to be expected from you and your partner when you are in a relationship. An example of a common unrealistic expectation would be to expect your partner to be there for you all the time. There will be times you’ll have to face life alone. Just because both of you decided you are better together doesn’t mean that your individual lives already stopped.

Issue: Unclear Boundaries

It’s easy to get disillusioned when you are in love. A common misconception is that when you and your soul mate finally find each other, you become one. The correct mindset when getting into a relationship is to think of it as a partnership.

A partnership, in business terms, is an arrangement in which individuals share the profits and liabilities of a venture. In this case, the venture is a long-term relationship, probably a lifetime companionship. There are benefits and accompanying responsibilities in this set-up. It makes more sense to think of your relationship this way. If you subscribe to the idea that you become one, you start assuming that your partner thinks like you, reacts like you, and becomes you, vice versa. You both lose your individuality. You lose respect for each other. You no longer see the other person for who he or she really is. If you argue, you cannot reconcile the fact that you are actually different people. The resolution will be a very difficult process because the tendency is to impose on each other. You force your partner to adapt your ways and you either win or lose. It does not make sense at all.

Solution: Maintain individuality, respect privacy

Sit down and talk about boundaries. Be very clear about it.

Accepting that you are two individual people in a partnership makes setting boundaries easier and more sensible. While you and your partner should decide jointly on matters that affect the both of you, you must respect the decisions your partner makes for himself or herself. A good partner will support and empower, rather than manipulate and overpower. Allow your partner and yourself time alone. The healthiest relationships are between two people who constantly bring fresh perspectives into the relationship.

The right to privacy is a basic human right afforded to everyone, including you and your partner. While keeping secrets to each other is not the best way to go, there are things that you should not interfere with for various reasons. Let him or her open up when he or she is ready. Letting a person handle something alone is a sign of trust, but, if your partner needs you, be there. Trust your partner and trust yourself. You should be in a relationship with a person you believe in.

You will also be surprised that money issues can also be solved by setting clear boundaries and expectations. Once both of you are clear on what you should decide jointly and what you could decide individually, the relationship becomes easier.

Issue: Lack of Intimacy

A lack of intimacy in bed or a feeling of not being close enough to each other at an emotional level is a relationship killer. Intimacy is what sets a romantic relationship apart from friendship. When you are in a relationship with someone, you are more than friends.

If you make your partner feel that you are more open and vulnerable to your friends than to him or her, this is a big problem. Intimacy is not just about the sex. You can have sex with someone you do not connect with at a deep emotional level. If the sex is there, but the friendship isn’t, there will be jealousy and insecurity.

However, if the friendship is there but you do not make love in the bedroom, there will also be jealousy and insecurity. Because if you are not intimate enough, you are not lovers, you are not a couple, you are just roommates or best friends at best.

Solution: Be more vulnerable

Being vulnerable to your partner means that you trust him or her. When you have your guard down around your SO, you show him or her that you don’t mind showing your true self because you know he or she will never hurt you because you are accepted for who you really are. When you finally find your person, he or she should be the first to know the highlight of your day. When you have a problem, he or she is the first person you vent out to because he or she is the person you trust the most.

The physical intimacy is as important. Being able to open yourself up to the act of intimacy in bed is also a sign of vulnerability. However, physical intimacy should not be limited to the sexual. Holding hands, hugging, and other ways to show affection physically can really save a relationship.

Emotional and physical intimacy should always be present in a loving relationship.

The Coach

What is Life Coaching and How a Life Coach can Help You

September 27, 2017

Life Coaching

A life coach will empower you by making things clear for you. Life coaching involves counseling, forming an actionable plan, and holding a client responsible for his actions in achieving a goal.

What is Life Coaching?

This is the difference between therapy. In therapy, you have a problem and your therapist will help you understand the root of that problem so you can resolve it. A life coach, however, will also listen to your problem, but won’t go to the root of it. Instead, a life coach will ask you what you want to do about it and will suggest ways to solve that problem, so you can achieve your goals not just by encouraging you but urging you to think about what concrete steps you should take and make sure that you take those steps.

How can a Life Coach help you?

Each Life Coach may have a different specialty. They have been trained, and each of them has a different skill set and expertise. You can be coached on finance, confidence, socialization, relationships, and other areas of your life that you need to improve on. If you want to be proactive, you get a life coach.

If you are at a point in your life where you are transitioning, say a new job, a new neighborhood, you just got married, you just had kids or any drastic change in your life and you are having difficulties, you can consult a Life Coach to set you in the right direction.

Life Coaches will ask you questions you may already have answers to. They won’t tell you which direction to go. They will set you in the right direction by making clear to you where you want to go. Once you have that figured out, a Life Coach will make sure you stay committed and that you don’t go astray. He will help you get things done.

Limitations of Life Coaching

Of course, a Life Coach has limitations. He won’t be able to solve your depression, for example. You might need more than counseling and only a psychiatrist can prescribe you medication. Life coaches are not doctors the same way doctors will not give you a plan of action on how to improve your life.

A psychiatrist won’t give you suggestions on how you can be a better person. He will just diagnose you, prescribe treatment, and medication. Life Coaches cannot prescribe medication. They do not heal people and they do not fix disorders. It’s a fragile line, but what Life Coaches can do is to help someone stay focused on their goal. Life Coaches usually work with high functioning people.

Famous people with Life Coaches

While some say that they don’t need a Life Coach, it doesn’t mean that everyone doesn’t. Take for example an athlete. No matter how famous like Tiger Woods or Manny Pacquiao, they have a coach. They are better than their coaches, but, they still have a coach guiding them, empowering them, and giving them a fresh perspective whenever they get short-sighted or distracted. Even professional sporting teams have coaches. These coaches will schedule training and will make sure that the athletes are in the perfect condition to play in a match.

It’s not just in sports. You may be surprised that Oprah Winfrey, who herself is giving advice on television, actually has a Life Coach, Martha Beck. Leonardo DiCaprio, Hugh Jackman, and President Bill Clinton are coached by Tony Robbins. CEOs have Life Coaches.

Yes, they can be your best friend, but they’re different because your best friend won’t push you to get your goal and remind you to stick to it. You don’t have to tell your Life Coach your entire life the way you narrate everything to your spouse.

You can get a specialized Life Coach on your career or your finances. You will still make the decision, but your Life Coach will help you stick with that decision once you’ve figured it out.

Life Coaching is a serious business for serious people who want to achieve something seriously.

The Coach